Husband: I, (Name), take you, (Name), to be my wife, my partner in life, and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and until the day I die. I will always laugh with you and only occasionally at you. When I do laugh at you, if it is in public, I will do my best to create the illusion that it is with you.
I promise to be there with you through the toughest of the trials in our life and to cry with you. These trials do not include things like YouTube footage of soldiers being reunited with their daughters. You’re crying on your own with those.
I vow to love you through the difficult and the easy. I promise to never put you or myself in danger. This means that I will never come between you and a mirror. I will also never force you to eat spicy food with me as I did on one of our first dates. I later found out that you were clenching your cheeks the whole night.
What I admire most about you is your determination. But stamping your foot when you don’t get your way is no longer cute after age nine. Seriously, you need to stop that.
I look forward to being a married man and starting a new chapter in my life. For starters, I will no longer refer to it as ‘my life,’ but ‘ours.’ I look forward to being the best father I can be and helping you to be the best mother.
This is my solemn vow to you today as I make you my wife.
Wife: (Name), you make loving easy. For starters, you’re the best roomie I’ve ever had. Living in sin, without our parents’ blessings, was totally worth it. I now know you are able to deal with my annoying habits. And I’ve discovered that you have very few. You pick up my half-empty coffee cups that I leave around the house, you make me breakfast on the weekends, and you always know where my cell phone and keys are when I go into full panic mode and scream that someone stole them.
With you I have learned to take it slow, although I could have dealt with getting to this altar a little faster. When we met, all I knew was that you made me laugh and you had a dorky look, which I thought was hot. Only time would allow me to see your true colors. You’re generous, loving, sensitive, kind, an insomniac, and a lover of daily man baths and boxer dogs.
I promise with all my heart to love you when times are good and bad. When you’re sore on Monday from sitting the same position all day during Sunday football, when men hit on you as you walk my Pomeranian, and when you need someone to lean on when work gets tough, I will always be your gal.
When I’m scared, you make me feel safe. When I’m sad, you make me smile. There has yet to be a day where we haven’t laughed together. I never want there to be one.
I take you to be my husband, the father of my children, and best friend until death do us part. Just stay away for one week per month!