Groom: I promise to love and cher­ish you as much as I do our dog, Spot. From this day for­ward, I will lint roll the chairs when­ev­er your par­ents vis­it. I will love you in sick­ness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet vis­its. I promise to cud­dle with you as much as I do Spot and pick you up treats when­ev­er he gets some, too.

Bride: From this day for­ward, I promise to de­claw my cat Fluffy so that you are not scratched. I will al­ways make sure the lit­ter box is clean and will keep Fluffy out of Spot’s house. I will love you for rich­er or poor­er, so long as Fluffy gets the gourmet cat food.