Groom: I promise to love you as much as the Chicago Cubs and not hold your black and white striped dress against you. From this day forward, I will listen to all of your complaints about the mall if you say them during the off season, and promise to retire my baseball cap and face paint for public outings. I will love you in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death parts us, or you become a White Sox fan.
Bride: I promise to love you as much as I love my credit card and not hold your poor fashion sense against you. I will only show you my new clothes during commercial breaks and promise to keep you in the latest Cub fashions. From this day forward, I will make sure your lucky shirt is washed for every game day, and will have plenty of potato chips on hand. I will love you for richer or poorer, as long as our credit limit stays high.
Groom: I promise to love and cherish you as much as I do our dog, Spot. From this day forward, I will lint roll the chairs whenever your parents visit. I will love you in sickness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet visits. I promise to cuddle with you as much as I do Spot and pick you up treats whenever he gets some, too.
Bride: From this day forward, I promise to declaw my cat Fluffy so that you are not scratched. I will always make sure the litter box is clean and will keep Fluffy out of Spot’s house. I will love you for richer or poorer, so long as Fluffy gets the gourmet cat food.